whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
