hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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