i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
