My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
