so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize