can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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