it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
