Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
