Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
