I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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