I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
