apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
