Welp...herpes.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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