I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
