So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
