end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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