Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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