If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
