YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
