he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
