i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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