enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
