Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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