he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize