No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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