Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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