THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
