dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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