He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
