so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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