and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish you could order shots online.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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