my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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