your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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