He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i love accidental penises.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
