One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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