Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
