it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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