I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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