Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
