One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
a search helicopter?!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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