i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
