She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
