I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
