I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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