i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
