have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize