Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
