i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
