i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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