she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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