Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
