So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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