Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
