You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
