So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
