yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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