Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You are a genius and a whore.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
