What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
