Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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