my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
