and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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