oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
