Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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