I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
