my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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