He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
