Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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