god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize