I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
