well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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