Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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