It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
