Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
