I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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