Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
