Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
