my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
