Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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