Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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