make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
