I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
