I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
