How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm really busy with my period
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