Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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