Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
